Stereotypical RomCom Clichés That Never Happened
by lovingthis
Summary: Once again, the title explains it all. Please enter and read as I destroy all your cliché hopes. This will hopefully contain most Primeval pairings so there'll be something for everyone. Prompts from reviews! New chapter! PDA- 'cause it's not true love if it isn't displayed in the most ridiculous way ever.
1. The Wedding Date

Stereotypical rom-com cliché's that never happened.

This is another idea that came from my _***OLD***_ job. That's right! I no longer have to work at that hell hole! :D

Enjoy what will eventually, hopefully, be the first in a load of one shots.

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><p>"Hey, Jess." Becker leant over the ADD to talk to the already blushing girl. "My brother's getting married next week and well…"<p>

Jess's heart stopped.

He was going to ask her to be his date!

Ooh, what could she wear? She had to look good for it.

But nothing too much, of course. You're not allowed to outshine the bride.

Though she had to make Becker want more.

Her mind flickered through her wardrobe and she decided she needed to go shopping as soon as.

"I was hoping you could…"

It was REALLY happening!

She felt her blush increase.

"Make my excuses to Lester for me. I'm not going to show up that day or the day before as we're having a bachelor party."

She blinked.

"What?"

"Despite what he says, Lester listens to you. I was hoping you could convince him to either let me have the day off or you could make something up for me?"

"Uh… Sure?"

"You, Jess, are brilliant."

And with that he walked off.

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><p>This wont be updated often- Unless I happen to become amazing.<p>

You know that Bounty Hunter is my main priority at the moment.

But let me know of stereotypical clichés you'd like to see me make a hash of!

Thanks!


	2. The Holiday Where Everyone Gets Together

The Holiday Where Everyone Eventually Gets Together.

- This was going to be a little one shot I thought of AGES ago when I noticed about four pages full of "The ARC team goes on holiday" on the Primeval archive.

Why _does_ everyone think the ARC team get's holidays?

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><p>Connor watched as Lester handed Jess a huge wad of papers and the girl left his office with a look of despair.<p>

"Why the frown."

"I've been given the stuff for shredding. I do wish Lester would remember _I'm not his personal secretary_." The last part she yelled over her shoulder at the closing door.

"What's for the shredder today?"

Connor grinned knowing Lester always sent shredding stuff Jess's way when he wanted to make a point but couldn't be bothered to say it to her face.

His personal favourite was the time Lester made her shred the note and card she had bought him to remind the man that his anniversary was approaching. The girl had fumed for days after that one.

Jess started to flick through the piles of paper.

"More EMD's, the petition for a canteen, Becker wants a tank, Abby's request to search for another mammoth so she can breed them, request for better ARC lighting, someone wants a private jet to get to work…"

Connor zoned out having heard most of these before.

"Oh." Jess stopped walking.

"What?"

"Our joint requests for holiday time."

She held out a piece of paper with the words "YOU WISH" scrawled over in red sharpie.

Connor sighed. "After four years of this I'm beginning to give up. I don't understand how he thinks a year in the past is a holiday."

"I just want to be able to go to my sister's wedding. I asked for _one_ day! But 'Anomalies aren't going to take a vacation.'" She mimicked Lester's voice.

The two sighed, giving up on their hopes.

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><p>As I said I wrote this a while ago so it was no trouble uploading this.<p>

Don't expect updates this often!

Let me know what you think!

And I DO require rom-com moments! :D

Thanks!


	3. Boy Meets Girl Wait A Second?

**Boy Meets Girl**

Typical boy meets girl. He likes her. She doesn't like him. They argue. They make up. Happily ever after.

Another Primeval Rom-com cliché that _**never happened**_.

I thought I'd annotate this one with typical Rom-Com story line scenarios in italics.

Enjoyyyy!

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><p><em>Boy meets girl. <em>

"Don't move"  
>"Is it real?"<br>"Some kind of experiment. Maybe? Hybrid. Throwback. Who are you?"  
>"Abby Maitland. I'm a keeper at Wellington Zoo."<p>

_Boy = nerd._

"This database contains constantly updated information on all non extinct vertebrates. I've been building it ever spare second since I was fourteen."  
>"It's impressive."<br>"Pretty cool, huh?"  
>"And slightly sad."<p>

_Girl= hot._

"So, you and the _hot_ blond?"

_Boy loves girl._

"So, uh, what do you think of Abby?"  
>"She's okay. Why?"<br>"I was picking up some heat between us. You get an instinct for these kinds things."  
>"I thought you already had a girlfriend."<br>"She's more of a… pen pal, really. She, she lives in the Gambia."  
>"That's practical for a night out."<br>"Yeah. So, do you think Abby like's me?"  
>"Why don't you ask her yourself?"<br>"Alright I might. It's not every day you meet a potential girlfriend."

_Boy would do anything for girl._

"Just let me go."  
>"I can't. I love you."<p>

_Girl is interested in someone else._

"Is that perfume?"  
>"I can do the girl thing, you know."<br>"Ooooh!"  
>"You look really good."<br>"Thanks."

_They have argument which leaves them at ill ease with one another. _

"Danny's right."  
>"You too?"<br>"I'm just try'na be sensible."  
>"You've always hated him, haven't ya. You'd be happy if he <em>was<em> dead."

_Boy does something that proves his love._

"I've come for the lizard"  
>"It'll cost you three grand."<br>"How about you bring him to me or I come in and get him."  
>"Yeah, you and who's army?"<br>"Mine, actually."  
>"You better come in."<br>"Thank you."

_Girl reciprocated feels._

"Jack told me what you did."  
>"Whatever it is I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for it"<br>"About gambling Rex away and you getting him back."  
>"Oh."<br>"You could have made Jack look really bad but you didn't. Why not?"  
>"I knew how much you loved him; I didn't want you to be hurt. Sorry."<br>"Even after I said all those horrible unfair things about you hating him, you still kept quiet. You did all that for me."  
>"Abby... I want... I mean... I feel that we... I want to…"<br>"Connor... Shut up."  
>They kiss.<p>

_They __**eventually**__ get together. _

"You know the thing ... The whispered thing?"  
>"Whisper?"<br>"Well, yeah. You know when we were, you said that when we were back and all this, all this was over, well, you said you were gunna… Well, you know… You said you'd… Oh great. You don't remember."  
>" Connor…"<br>"Yep?"  
>"Temple. Will you marry me?"<br>"I'll have to think about it."  
>"Forget it."<br>"YES. So yes!"

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><p>Umm… wait a second… *scratches head*<p>

Yeah that's right. I'm making fun of myself and the show as well as Rom-Coms!

Let's see who else I can upset! :)


	4. The Animal That Knows Too Much

**The Mischievous Dog.**

Isn't there always that one pet which seems to know more than the human characters?

This is for all of you reading the Line Of Sight Series!

This is something that will *never* happen in my story- sorry :D

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><p>Jess sat in her car, tapping the steering wheel impatiently. She'd been in the car for an hour and a half and had only made a distance of six miles.<p>

Glairing at her surroundings again, wondering what she could do to ease the slow painful death which was stilling in traffic, she spied a small parking space a few hundred yards ahead. She calculated it should take her about fifteen minutes to make that small distance so decided to wait it out and take the space. The girl hummed her way through her favourite song three and a half times before she made it, then concentrated on parking.

Leaving her vehicle illegally parked half over double yellow lines, Jess started to walk towards her destination.

Despite the pain which started to attack the balls of her feet as she skidded over the icy pavement, the young field co-ordinator couldn't regret her choice in clothing. Her favourite blue heels, pink socks over yellow leggings, her standard short skirt and a warm bolero covering her green shirt.

Elsewhere, Becker was struggling on the ice too. It was the first icy day since he had lost his sight and his balance was off par. Marianne was supposed to be meeting him at a park, not far from where he lived so that they could go to the cinema so she could see a new film.

Bounty suddenly pulled at her leash and encouraged Becker into a run. Yelling slightly at the action Becker did all he could do to stay on his feet and not get dragged through the ice. Badly rounding a corner he ran straight into a body. He heard a short squeal of surprise as he crushed the person beneath him and then…

"Becker?"

"CHRIST! JESS?"

"Um- Do you think that you could get off me?"

The man untangled himself from the girl beneath him and pushed himself to his feet, giving a disapproving noise to the dog who pressed herself against his leg.

"I'm so so sorry, Jess. Bounty started to run and well- it was run or be dragged."

"At least it was only me and not a stranger."

"I'm sorry." Becker reached forward with his hands to find the Field Co-ordinator. Placing a hand either side of her face he rubbed his thumbs over her cold cheeks. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, well… I may be a bit bruised tomorrow." She gave a slight giggle but stopped at the expression of horror on his face. "I was going to fall over sometime today, Becker. At least this was a pleasant meeting."

He gave a scoff. "I hardly think being fallen on by a blind man is pleasant."

"But you make a very good face warmer."

Becker realised that he was still brushing his thumbs and grinned slightly. "It's the least I could do. You're freezing. What are you wearing?"

He felt Jess's face heat under his hands and knew that she was blushing.

"What are you wearing, Jessica?"

"A jacket."

"Oh yes?"

She contemplated lying but knew he would be able to tell. "And a skirt."

"You're going to catch a death of cold you kno-"

He broke off as Bounty suddenly jumped at the back of his body, causing him to fall forward into Jess again. Luckily, fate had it that the wall of a building happened to be just behind the girls back- that or Bounty knew more than she should.

Jess blushed as Becker's body pressed flushed up against hers.

"I - I'm pretty warm right now."

Becker didn't know why he did it.

Maybe it was because he was so cold himself.

Maybe it was because he *really* didn't want to go to the movies.

Maybe it was because Jess's breath washing over his face was just too much to stand.

Or maybe it was because Bounty was sat so far against his heels he had no chance of stepping backwards.

(And possibly because he had no choice in how this chapter was going to turn out!)

But he gently, very gently, lowered his head and pressed his lips against Jess's letting the entire world bleed out into the background and his focus centre on the girl in his arms.

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><p>Sorry that it's been such a long time coming!<p>

Let me know what you think!

THANKS!


	5. PDA Not ridiculous? Not true love!

PDA- cause it's not true love if it isn't displayed in the most ridiculous way ever.

YES! YOUR EYES DO NOT DECEIVE YOU! THIS IS _***ANOTHER***_ UPDATE BY YOURS TRULY!

Okay, um, it's two am here where I am at the moment so please forgive me for any errors! I've written most of this in the past couple of hours- so if there are any terrible mistakes, forgive me.

I hope, however, that there aren't mistakes and this brightens up your morning (or whatever time of the day this is when you read this!)

Soooo Public Display of Affection for this chapter!

ENJOY!

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><p>Becker and Matt looked at each other warily, exhaustion etched into the lines on their faces. They had just dealt with one of the most life threatening incursions of their lives. It wasn't that it had been particularly dangerous creatures that had crossed from an anomaly, it was that the anomaly and incursion had happened in the Olympic Stadium! Thousands of people had been at risk. There, in the corridors of the main arena a number of predators had been racing around. It was a miracle that that had saved everyone. Not a single casualty to ruin the day. But it had been long and hard work. Plus, as they chased a creature through the middle of the stadium, they managed to draw the attention of a fair few spectators and camera crews. It didn't help that the anomaly had opened right behind the Olympic Torch either.<p>

So, there they stood at the south side of the Olympic Stadium with the eyes of the world on them, warily looking at each other.

Hand held cameras and reporters rushed towards them.

"We need to think of something." Matt hissed under his breath.

Becker frowned thinking, and then a smile graced his face like none other before. "Jess, he mumbled under his breath, get Lester onto the Prime Minister and make sure we don't get attacked by security. Then turn on the TV and listen closely."

_"What are you going to do?"_ Jess asked via coms.

"Something I've been meaning to do for a while." He took his earpiece out.

As they waited for the news teams to get closer Becker brushed his hair back from his forehead and set his most charming smile on his face.

"Whatever I say, Matt, go with it."

Matt gave him an odd look but then nodded. "Don't do anything that we'll regret."

"Oh," Becker said, brushing his hair to the side one last time. "I _won't_ regret this."

At this point, cameras started to be shoved into their faces. Reporter's started to ask a multitude of questions.

"Ah, you've caught us!" Becker grinned. "I'm afraid to admit that I'm on my Stag Do… I think it got a little bit out of hand."

Becker practically _heard _Jess's shriek of disbelief from poor Matt's reaction.

The reporters seemed stunned for a moment, not sure what to do with the information at hand. Then, one of the women stepped up to the task.

"Stag do? So who are you?" She eyed Becker up and down appreciatively. "Who's the lucky lady? When's the date?"

"Yes. Well, you seem to have caught me with an awkward confession." Becker lent forward and mock whispered to the reporters. "I haven't actually proposed to her yet."

"But, you said that this is your stag do?" The woman raised an arched eyebrow.

"Yes, we planned on a stag do proposal. This here is my good friend, Matt. He is to be my best man."

The cameras, which now focused on Matt's face, were unable to catch his momentary expression of surprise.

"So," the news woman insisted, "when are you going to propose?"

Becker grinned. "Right now." He turned and faced the bulk of the cameras. "Jess," he paused for a second as if unsure what to say. "Hello!" He laughed, then his face became serious once more. "Jess, I promise you, this is not a joke, this is not an elaborate prank or a… or anything but a true and honest, heartfelt confession.  
>"I love you.<br>"I love you with all of my heart and have done for so long now that it can no-longer be contained. My love for you is so deep and tender that it seems to be outside of myself as well as in.  
>"My only happiness comes from seeing you. You <em>are<em> my happiness. Nothing else in my life counts. I have you, little all-precious one, little beloved one! I saw you today, I saw you yesterday and I hope to see you until I die. After this, after you, nothing of all that may happen to me really has any importance. You make me my darling, Jess.  
>"Jess. How I repeat your name to myself.<br>"I would talk of your beauty. Of your intelligence, your courage and your brilliance. I would say how you brighten up the room just by being there. But it's all there, in that word, in your name.  
>"Jess." He caressed her name with his lips.<br>"My love, what more is there for me to say? I know you weren't expecting this but, there would never be the right time or place to do this. Never the idyllic moment that you deserve. Never an evening romantic enough. Never a date perfect enough.  
>"But I've always known that one day I'd have to step up because… well, I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. Of what I've seen, of what I do, of who I am, and most of all, I am scared that one day you will leave and I'll spend the rest of my whole life never feeling that way that I feel when I'm with you!<br>"My dear, I know that by this point you are already driving down here, I know that you will be listening to this in your car, so, please drive as carefully as I know you are listening."

-/-

In a control room somewhere in London someone was shouting down the phone. "I don't care what you say. This is television gold!" He slammed his hand on a work surface for dramatic effect. "I _want_ those closing ceremony fireworks to go off when this guy finishes proposing. _Make. It. Happen._"

-/-

"All I can do is say now, again, I love you, I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."

At this point Matt tapped Becker on the shoulder. "Connor says that she's about a minute away- and then she needs to get in here."

In an ARC vehicle, just a mile away from the entrance to the Olympic Stadium, Jess was sobbing. The second she heard Becker start to talk she had begun to have a panic attack, it took both Abby and Connor's combined efforts to convince her that the speech that Becker had started was true and heartfelt.

With a strangled sob, she had taken her phone, tuned into a radio station on her phone- any radio station as by this point everyone was broadcasting Becker's smooth voice- and ran to a car. Now, pulling up on double yellow lines, Jess knew she had to get to her Becker as soon as possible.

Running to the entrance of the stadium she saw the security guards, all listening in to the same lovely voice she was obsessing over, they made a small stir to stop her but any effort they may have put in disappeared when she yelled "It's me! He's talking to me! I am Jess!"

"Cor, blimey!" One of them said.

"Go get him girl!" Another said.

And they ushered her through with cheers.

From her phone, Jess heard Matt say she was about a minute away. _Becker_! Her only thought. Her only need.

She ran around the edge of the open field, and then tripped on her heels. Hopping for a few moments to keep her balance she stopped, tore her shoes off from her feet, flung them into the crowd and took a short cut along the grass, making a beeline for Becker.

By this moment the camera men had spotted her. Becker was trying to resist the urge to throw up. Matt was smirking, knowing that this moment would go down in history.

Jess was meters away, the camera crews started to part for her.

"Marry me!" Becker insisted as Jess approached. "I love you. You complete me. And I just…"

"Shut up!" Jess yelled as she sprinted the last few steps. "Just shut up! You had me at hello!"

A cheer went up around the stadium and across the world as news teams translated their words for the country they were broadcasting for.

"I'll marry you!"

Becker caught her and spun Jess around as she jumped into his arms. They kissed and a tremendous roar went up around the stadium once more. The fireworks were finally lit and the worlds eyes were finally fixated on this one couple who were trying to win the gold for tonsil tennis.

In a Costa in the outskirts of London, Jess's best friend watched the TV screen in the corner. Kate raised her mug of hot chocolate to the screen. "Good on you, Jess." She cheered as a toast.

In the ARC, Connor, caught up in the pure _romance_ of the situation, grabbed Abby and kissed the daylights out of her (probably winning the silver).

In a hospital somewhere twins were born and the parents, who none of us have ever heard of, decided to name their twin boy and girl Becker and Jess.

-/-

The newspapers for the next day had their glued-together-faces glued to the front pages- above the fold.

Jess and Becker are married on a beautiful summer's day. Yellow flowers are growing on bushes as snapshots of a radiant Jess in a white dress being swept into a handsome Becker's arms are taken.

Connor and Abby are seen cuddling a beautiful baby, evidently their child.

Across the garden at the reception this friend of Jess's catches the eye of Lester and winks suggestively.

Kate catches the bouquet.

Lester catches the garter.

Jess's shoes are sold on e-bay for a whooping half a million.

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><p>Review ;)<p>

Oh! Also, I don't own Primeval, I don't own Dirty Dancing (even modified quotes), I don't own Jerry Maguire, I don't own half of the things Becker says, I don't own a lot of things- although I do have a time share in Richard Armitage *drifts off to La-la-land and then decides to crawl off to bed and sweet dreams, anticipating thousands of reviews when she wakes up in the morning*


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